I would like to invent this. It would just appear when you are sitting down somewhere. if someone said something stupid it would flare up! Big flames would come from its head and it would say:
“WHAT YOU HAVE SAID IS STUPID!”
It could add things for special cases like “IT IS ALSO MISOGYNIST!” or “IT IS ALSO RACIST!” or “YOU ARE A SPOILED BRAT! LET THE SHUTTING OF YOUR MOUTH BEGIN!”
That, my friends, would be a cool invention.
Counting Stations
Dead Astronaut
Velocity of Light
High Way
From around 2000-2001. I think I was doing this instead of working.
Download: Particles - Fat Ctrller
This was project I was doing in 2000 called Fat Ctrller. I’m still trying to find the rest of the music, over time hard drives crash, CDRs are scratched, things get lost and never found again.
BEFORE YOU PLAY THIS VIDEO BE AWARE THAT IT IS FULL SWEARING
George Carlin used to make me laugh when I was a teenager. I wish that time would kind of stop going forward or something, I wish things would only change for the better is what I mean. 
I used to play drums in a rock band years ago. Bubaiskull.com tells you all about it.
I was at a barbeque at Dave’s place in Northernmost London a few years ago talking to Jay from Knuckles.
We got to discussing how alternative people weren’t really trying that hard to freak people out with their hair. Sure you got your mohawks, skinheads and that guy from The Prodigy hair (a style like call Island Lonely Spike Grandfather Island), but what about the real hair adventurers? Where were they? I’m talking about the ones on the dirty fringe, the split ends of hairstyling, the ones that walk the line between “I am bongo bongo kookamongo” and “I did this to myself. On PURPOSE.”
We had no idea where those people were. We had some ideas for them though. Ideas we were sure we had NEVER seen anybody rocking. Ideas so outlandish that if any of you actually get them done to yourselves or cultivate them, as the case may be, I will reward you with a t-shirt of your choice from The Monstore.
Hair Concept 1
The Nohawk. It’s like a mohawk but in REVERSE! The hair left on the head has to be spiky and gluey like a mohawk would be. It could be of a funny colour like pink or purple. Pink or purple hair is great in general cause it really shouts, “I’m a FREAK, look at me. Don’t look a me. Are you freaked out by my hair colour? You should be. It’s pink and that’s not natural. I am not natural I am a FREAK! Just look at my hair.” (Rinse. Repeat). Combine this with a Nohawk and there you go! A true hair original!
Hair Concept 2
This one is only achievable by men, mostly. A thin line of hair approximately one centimeter wide is grown all the way around the head. Including under the chin. Once the hair has reached a length of, say, 30 centimeters, it is waxed or glued straight out from the head forming a kind of hair “flower”, with hair becoming the “petals.” We called this one “The Face Frame.”
Hair Concept 3
This one is very subversive due to its subtlety. It’s best suited to men, but it’s really for the ladies, if you catch my drift. One can wear any hair style one wants on one’s head, we suggest the more conservative and straight arrow the better. It will only heighten the impact of your innovative hair exploration. Continue to shave as normal, all but the very lowest 3 centimeters of hair on your neck. Let it grow to a lovely, length, let it flow. You might choose to wear a turtleneck while you cultivate your “secret weapon.” Once it has reached a length of 30 centimeters, you are ready. Brush it, comb it straight down. Tuck it into the open collar of your best shirt. You are now sporting that most noble of extremity stylings, the Hair Cravat. You could even dye it to match outfits. I’d suggest burgundy if you wear browns. A colour to offset your eyes if you tend towards somber blacks and navys. Orange for Blue. Forest Green for Brown.
Well there you have it. Send me a picture, hair explorer, and your t-shirt will be on its way. No tricks though, you suck at Photoshop.
I met Joshua (4) and Kevin (6) on the train today. They were pretty interested in my bike. Probably because it looks fancy. Apparently Kevin is getting one soon, it will be red with training wheels at first then he’s gonna take them off. Joshua is going to get a pink bike, even though it is for girls. Kevin is going to get a red, orange and blue bike. He is gonna get a rainbow bike. Joshua is going to get a green bike. And a blue bike.
Joshua said, “I like all my colors.”
Kevin said, “I like them too.”
I said, “I totally agree with you guys colors are ALL right.”
I discovered that there is a target about a mile form where I work. Target is an everything type of store, like Tesco when they sell clothes or K-mart (if it still exists). I decided to walk there to get an inner tube.
I wear these off-shore pretend Converse at work. If you walk two and half miles in them you get really really sore feet. They are so flat (edit: FLAT LIKE MY TIRE, HAHAHAHAHA). So if you get some fake Converse only use them to hang around the house or just to go next door.
I got a flat tire on my bicycle this morning. It was 8.30. My train leaves at 8.38. To cycle the remaining distance would have taken about two minutes. It took about eight minutes to get there on foot. When I got to the gate my monthly train pass was missing from my wallet.
That’s the way to do it!
UPDATE
New Jersey is covered by a layer of broken glass. That explains why I carry a flat tire kit with me. I had replaced the punctured inner tube, reinstalled my wheel and was pumping new air into the tire when I noticed something… The way I was holding the pump made it look like I was doing something dirty to myself. I moved to a less sexy looking pumping position and broke the valve of my replacement inner tube.
NOW THAT REALLY IS THE WAY TO DO IT!
They are all gone now. We will get more next year.
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