If you do have an underwater temple that needs guarding, I’m the Elfess for the job.
Please make sure there are no spiders in the Underwater temple, but do not kill them if you find them, instead ask them nicely to “go away for a bit”
I have experience of wearing Elf clothing, and also am actually a real Elf. I can talk in a strange English Villianess voice to give the impression that I am otherwordly, which of course I am.
I am available for vision quests and dreamwork. I can find you love. To contact me clap twice under three stars. Do not forget to bring offerings of Star Wars figures and bananas.
Thankyou for your time.
Are you still available for guarding underwater temples? It’s just, new union laws mean that the Kraken can’t legally cover his usual hours any more and i’m desperate for some extra help. Pay negotiable.
Ah, I used to have a lovely Kraken that used to slobber all over my houseguests. He was so affectionate.
Yes I am still available, the Sunken Temple at Atlantis that I was hoping to guard hasn’t been discovered by humans yet, so I am at a loss as it were…