Macy’s got it wrong in the windows big time this year. It’s shrill, a bit more than just Christmas creepy, and derivative.

After the scary Macy’s parade we thought that we should go and check out the famous Macy’s Christmas windows in Herald Square.

This sprawling fiasco of a concept is described as Santa Land, It’s several windows, featuring creepy puppets and Christmas “themes” clearly designed to give children nightmares.

Our pictures make it look kinda trippy and maybe trashy cool. But it was not pretty, I tell you. It was like having your eyes gouged out with The Neverending Story mixed with The Neverending Story II - The Next Chapter, and then set to the soundtrack to Hellraiser by Coil and then reinterpreted with animatronics by the Art of Noise. The picture of the Christmas tree above doesn’t show you the full horror of the rotating sharp Christmas Trees that were trying to bore throught the window. I mean, we had just seen Evil Dead - The Musical and we were suspicious of trees to begin with (ENT Power!) but this driller killer treefest was just wrong. wrong. wrong.

There was a giant polar bear who kept licking a huge candy cane in a really mechanical and unnecessarily slurpy, burpy way.   

The puppets were the type of puppets that are supposed to look like adorable children, but somehow look like weird shrunken old people. Maybe they were the spawn of when Chucky got lucky

There was a giant pristine white Lion, “laying down - in the Biblical sense” with a matted and dazed looking lamb. Every now and then, the lion would turn to the window and roar in this terrifying Jurassic Park way. At night I think the lion eats the lamb and then regurgitates him during the day, which is why the lamb looks so bedraggled and traumatised.    

And do you see this picture of the dragons eye above? You know when I said Neverending story I was not kidding. This was a giant dragon that was ugly and stupid looking. And it’s eyes were cameras. And it was looking at me.    

My personal fravourite was this one, a mermaid in a shell that opned and closed. Women would want to have their photo taken in front of it, “Ooh we are beautiful mermaids too” they would squeak with enthusiasm. The shell opens and the “beautiful” mermaid looks like JIMMY SAVILLE!